Oh how can I explain what this scripture means to me right now?
How can I set it down so that you can fully grasp it's meaning... it's intent... it's heart...
The heart of my Father.
So many people don't get it.
Or should I say they don't "understand" what I believe in.
I learned at a very young age Who God is.
That might sound trite. I know that that isn't a simple statement.
And my discovery was anything but simple.
But I know that when I found Him... something changed for me.
It all changed for me.
I knew I wasn't alone.
I knew that He would never abandon me or leave me to myself.
And from that time He has held true to His promise to me.
He has never left me. He has never forsaken me.
He has proven Himself to me over and over again.
I was willing.
I was hungry.
I was open for Him to come into my heart, my life, even though I didn't fully understand what that really meant.
Push forward to today...
Not much has changed from my childlike faith that He found me in so many years ago.
Circumstances have changed.
My life is and looks profoundly different.
And the faith that started out in the heart of a small child has been tested and tried.
I want my faith to be more. More than just a seed.
I want it to be the thing in my life that isn't cut short before it is able to grow in it's strength.
I realize that I have the ability to allow God's tending of it. To let Him water it and sow the ground around it.
I have felt the effects of the weeds... the ones that I have allowed to be where they don't belong.
And it's okay. The pain of the pulling. It is a far better pain than being cut off.
It is better than not being tended to and cared for by my Fatherly God.
It is better.
In order for faith to grow it has to be tested.
It has to be tried.
As inclement weather threatens it is when the foundation of it's roots are tested.
It is when it is pushed by unrelenting winds that it shows how strong it really is.
And it is when the sun begins to peek through the stormy clouds that it is with hope that turns it head up that shows how tall it really has gotten.
Even if my leaves are tattered.
Even if my stem shows tears.
I want those things in my life to show the only thing worth showing.....
Faithfulness.
Hopefully my faithfulness in not wavering in my belief that God is Who He says He is.
My faithfulness in trusting Him and taking Him at His word, and taking His Word as truth.
And right now, from where I'm standing, completely helpless...
Faithful in believing that He has it all...
That He knows.
He sees.
And He not only loves me but those that I love.... even more than I do.
When I begin to feel my faith wavering and becoming shaky I know that I can stand on His promises.
I can trust His hand to guide me.
I can rest assured that He will work it out for good.
And my hope.....
That even in the most uncertain of circumstances. When all seems lost and nothing is sure...
That He IS.
That my life will reflect that.
That my faith will stand at the end of it.
Every season. And every situation.
It isn't an easy life that I have chosen.
But it is the only one worth living for.
He is the only One worth living for.
The only uncertainty in a faith that is tested, is whether I choose to stand under and with the One who has remained faithful throughout my entire life....
And even if you don't see it yet... throughout yours.
...until another tomorrow.
~m.
