At The Cottage Background

Monday, January 18, 2010


It is around 11:30 p.m.
It is late..... and I am tired.
Everyone is asleep. Tucked in and dreaming.
My house is quiet and I want to shut off like everyone else.
But my mind will not.

The thoughts keep turning over and over... one after the other... fighting for my attention.
Not letting me rest.

They are so strong that I can almost picture them... like the decks of cards in Alice of Wonderland.
Heads, arms, and legs.
Pushing, shoving, faces set... and determined.
Some winning the fight to get to the front of my thinking.
The others discontent to be the forethought.
Every one wanting to be the champion of my attention.

My past testimony..... my present one.
My worry.... my doubt... my husband... my children.
Money, stress, tragedies, circumstances.
To do lists... and want to do lists.
Distractions and discontentments.
Pain, both emotional and physical.

Dancing around and around making me lose my train of thought. Making me dizzy.

And in the back... I can see it.
The one that I won't get close... the one that I have constantly fought as far back as I remember.


I want it all to be quiet.

I need to be still.

I need to get away and silence all the things that try to drown out the only voice I need to listen to.
I need to drag myself from the very things that I try to use to help me not the think so much.
I need to feel the wind on my face, and the music pulsing through every fiber of my being.
I need to stretch out my arms and open my hands and let it all go.

The only times I get to do this is after the kids are in school, and my husband is left typing away work on his computer.
This is when I escape.

It's ironic really....
The place that I have to go to get away from it all.
I climb into my car.... my own private space.
I find my circulation of worship songs, and turn the ignition on.
I don't know where I am going... there are a lot of places I "could" be.... but for now.... I am free.

The windows are cracked open, the music is loud...... and with one hand on the wheel, the other is stretched out to the side of me, lifted, palm up.... letting Him take all of the things that I can't hold onto.
Those I love most, and those I don't. Especially those I don't.
The the things I want to control, and all of it that I can't.

Every thing that has crowded Him out.

I am letting Him back in.

And as I begin to feel the release and the peace that only comes from spending time in His presence....
I can see them all fall down.
Like a deck of cards that can't stand on their own.....
Except these are not laying flat, but bowing down to the One who controls it all. Who holds ALL things in His hands.
The One who is bigger than all of them.

I can breath.... and for this stolen moment of time, let myself feel His peace that surrounds me like the softest and most perfect of breezes.

No more pushing.
No more shoving.

Just surrendering.
And loving.....
Accepting who I am in Him and Who He is all together.

I won't let myself think about anything else.
I can't.
It is only in this place of worshiping Him that the freedom comes... the joy is renewed.
And the hope is restored.

It is only here.

Like restoring rain falling down onto my dry and cracked resolves.
I can feel it fill and cover... sink in a penetrate through all the thick layers of my being.
Touching the innermost places in my heart and restoring the deepest parts of my soul.
And all of those things.... the stacks and piles of cards appear as they really are in light of Who He really is.....
Lifeless except for the life that I give them, and no more able to dictate the course my emotions unless I allow them permission.

I am just still now... focussed and gaze set forward. Waiting.... and finally ready to hear the voice that I've needed to hear most.

I am listening.
And I am ready to be restored.

.... until another tomorrow.


"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11: 28-30

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Inspired To Move.....

Have you ever been inspired?
To do anything?

To try?
To attempt?
To fly?
To soar?
To jump?
To begin a run..... take off..... and leap.....?

I am speaking figuratively of course.

But have you?
Have you ever?

There is this spark that has been ignited.....
A flicker of a flame.....
And everywhere I go it grows brighter....
I can feel it getting stronger.

It is welling up deep down in the pit of my stomach.

I am still me....
With all my flaws and so much yet to be learned... corrected... and grown....
But I am excited.... to see.... to find out what it is that keeps reverberating over and over again....

Hope..... I have it.
I crave it......

Circumstances haven't changed..... life is still the same in so many ways....

But a tide is coming..... can you feel it?
Can you sense the rolling..... the heightening waves that are readying to crash......?
Can you smell the winds of change..... the breeze that is riding on something new....?
The electricity of a current that is surging with power.....?

Can you feel it?

I can.

It is building.....
It has been gradual....
But it is coming.....
Whatever it is......

And I am feeling inspired.

To shout it....
To yell it from the mountain top.

It sounds crazy.... I know.

But it's not.

God is on the move.....

He is getting ready.

Are we ready?
Are we willing?
Do we want the move that we have been crying out for for so long to come?

It is up to you.... to me.
To ready our hearts.....
To be anxious for More of Him.....
To desire Him more than we have ever desired Him before.

I don't want to miss it.....
I don't want to quench my passion any longer.....
I don't want to be silent anymore.....

I want to be the one that He speaks to..... and through.
I want to be ready to be amazed by all His glory..... all His wonder.
I want to accept the unacceptable.... the miracles...... the wonders that He has in store.....

I want it.

I don't want mediocrity any longer.
I don't want the mundane.

I want to feel the thrill of serving Him.
I know that this requires me to do.....
To move....
To not sit and wait......
But to glean.... and soak in...... and take what He has given me and use it.

I want to continue to get..... to be inspired........

And I want to be the inspirer......

Are you willing to go......?

I pray and hope that you will dive in with me.....
Off the edges of our safety boats.....

I pray that we will jump in.....
And eagerly swim toward Him....

Can you see Him?

He is waiting.........

..... until another tomorrow.


One of the "sparks" that has fueled and inspired me on...... thanks Scott.

"After these things Jesus manifested Himself again to the disciples at the Sea of Tiberias, and He manifested Himself in this way.

2Simon Peter, and Thomas called Didymus, and Nathanael of Cana in Galilee, and the sons of Zebedee, and two others of His disciples were together.

3Simon Peter said to them, "I am going fishing." They said to him, "We will also come with you." They went out and got into the boat; and that night they caught nothing.

4But when the day was now breaking, Jesus stood on the beach; yet the disciples did not know that it was Jesus.

5So Jesus said to them, "Children, you do not have any fish, do you?" They answered Him, "No."

6And He said to them, "Cast the net on the right-hand side of the boat and you will find a catch." So they cast, and then they were not able to haul it in because of the great number of fish.

7Therefore that disciple whom Jesus loved said to Peter, "It is the Lord." So when Simon Peter heard that it was the Lord, he put his outer garment on (for he was stripped for work), and threw himself into the sea." John 21:1-7

Monday, January 4, 2010

Love Affair.....

As I hold it in my lap I eagerly open it....
As my fingers touch the pages I can almost perceive their power.

The words.... the letters dance and sing... their promise brings a thrill to my heart.

As I turn I have to stop.
I just have to be still.....
With palms resting on the open pages I become quickly overwhelmed... the emotion overtakes me.
I close my eyes and feel them fill and spill unto my cheeks.

I am not alone.....
I am not left helpless, hopeless, or bereft.
I am not here left to just sit and ponder the nothings of life.....

I am seated at the feet of God.
In the presence of the Most High......
And my spirit can not help itself.... it must thrill at this knowledge.... it must react to the infinite.... it must feel.... and glory..... and rise.

A dry thirst that is finally quenched.... a deep longing that feels fulfillment.

There is no other.... it is the passion of my soul.
The depth of who I am.

Without it I shrivel and shrink.
I get lost and wander aimlessly.

When I accept it I lose my breath with its vastness.....
This love is so great.... so large.

When I open my eyes they are clearer, flowers smell sweeter, the sky looks brighter, my step is lighter and more free.....
The air becomes clearer, crisper, the water fresher.....

This is what it feels like..... to be touched by the Savior of this world....
To be allowed to be loved by the God of the universe....
To behold all that He is and all that He has always been.

In my hands I hold more than just words.
I feel the weight of more than just a book.
It is worth more to me than any worldly treasure that could ever be offered.

His words.....
His story....
To me.... to us all.

With the power to touch,
To heal,
To make known the mysteries of so much.

To feel the caress of love....
and feeling the knowledge that I am cherished, treasured, and so much more than I am right at this moment.
To deny it would only cause my heart to be separate from His.

So I can not.
I have chosen to come.... and to receive whatever it is He will offer me.
And let go of all that I am holding onto.
For this moment... in this capsule of time...

I have chosen to steal away in a love affair with my God.
And not in the way that the common understanding of what that word means....
But in the way it is defined: affair; anything done or to be done; anything requiring action or effort; concern: an affair of great importance.
To understand that and understand the importance of my relationship with my God.
And to fully understand that this love is unlike any other...
Not sordid or polluted like so many other kinds of love.....

But pure.... and amazing... true....beautiful and untainted.

Not just for moments that are fleeting... short term.... but for all time... ongoing.... and never ending.

He is the lover of my soul.....
and I belong to Him.

... until another tomorrow.


“But now, listen to me, Jacob my servant,
Israel my chosen one.
2 The Lord who made you and helps you says:
Do not be afraid, O Jacob, my servant,
O dear Israel, my chosen one.
3 For I will pour out water to quench your thirst
and to irrigate your parched fields.
And I will pour out my Spirit on your descendants,
and my blessing on your children.
4 They will thrive like watered grass,
like willows on a riverbank.
5 Some will proudly claim, ‘I belong to the Lord.’
Others will say, ‘I am a descendant of Jacob.’
Some will write the Lord’s name on their hands
and will take the name of Israel as their own.”

6 This is what the Lord says—Israel’s King and Redeemer, the Lord of Heaven’s Armies:

“I am the First and the Last;
there is no other God.
7 Who is like me?
Let him step forward and prove to you his power.
Let him do as I have done since ancient times
when I established a people and explained its future.
8 Do not tremble; do not be afraid.
Did I not proclaim my purposes for you long ago?
You are my witnesses—is there any other God?
No! There is no other Rock—not one!” Isaiah 44:1-8