We are all in need of grace.
For varying reasons and at varying degrees.
Sometimes for a forgivable act. And sometimes for the unforgivable.
Sometimes for a unkind word that was spoken in haste, out of emotion, and not with much thought behind it.
Sometimes for when we are exhausted and beaten down and just need time to pull ourselves together...... and get ourselves back on track.
Grace can look like certain things too and be accompanied by actions.
Like a smile when you deserve the scowl.
A hug when you feel like everything is falling apart.
A kiss on the cheek accompanied by words of kindness when you were just short and not kind.
And the okay given to just escape for the day when you have the whole world waiting to be tended to.
It is being given time to finish a homework assignment when you couldn't get it done on time.
In the faithful words of a friend whom you've hurt, coming to find that they still love you in spite of your missteps.
This is grace.
And I realize that I am given it everyday.
Grace to fall and grace to fail.
Grace to get back up and grace to try again.
I need these kinds of grace most of all.
But I realize that I am my own worst grace giver.
I expect so much out of myself and give myself even less.
I believe that I can do it...... anything.... and when I fail.......
Well, let's just say that a physical beating would be kinder.
I don't rest when I'm tired.
I don't stop when the reserves have run dry.
I have gotten better than I used to be..... but this isn't saying much.
And when I am hit hard like I have been lately. When the world seems to be falling down all around me and I begin to cry and wail because I can't keep it all going.
When my balls that I "thought" I was successfully juggling begin to drop at an alarming rate.
And I stop.
Not because I want to. But because I have to.
This week I have figuratively and physically just dropped from where I have been standing and just sat.
Not a pretty sit. Composed and put together.
But a heap. Legs in sloppy indian style with hands limp by my sides and head down.
Tired and weak.
And not by choice mind you.
Never by choice. But out of desperation and knowing that I can't keep doing it on my own.
It is in this posture that I have allowed it to be possible for others to come around me and help me.
To make me meals and feed me.
To speak words of encouragement and love.
To offer kindnesses and support.
I still feel beat up and bruised.
But I also feel loved and taken care of.
I have felt the effects of grace.
God given and bestowed.
Not because I deserve it and not because I am owed it.
But because it is in His nature to give it.
And that is enough.
My ticket from feeling antiquated and bereft.
And my pass to being renewed and filled up again.
If we don't accept it, we won't benefit.
And we will only have ourselves to blame.
Thank you Father for the grace givers in my life. The people that You have surrounded me with that choose to love me when I am unlovely.
And for your grace Father that surpasses them all. With a love so full and so deep that I can't even try to understand it.
That love overwhelms me and fills my heart with undying gratitude........
And gives me the motivation to share it with anyone who will hear.
..... until another tomorrow.
"From the fullness of his grace we have all received one blessing after another."
"Those who cling to worthless idols forfeit the grace that could be theirs."
"However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace." Acts 20:24