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Thursday, October 8, 2009

Beginnings of A Quest

How do you fight something that you don't quite understand?
Something so much larger than you?

I am unsure how to go up against the biggest obstacle in my life.
The feelings I keep feeling are contradictory.
I have been working my brain overtime.
I have been saturating myself with the Word and with every book I can get my hands on that is about knowing God. Scripturally based of course.
I realize that the keys to breaking the stronghold of fear in my life is knowing God, submitting to His authority, and trusting Him.
I have asked some pretty tough questions. Of God and of myself.
A lot of them.
Ones that I am seeking answers to.
I feel that I have been given the tools to fight but can not quite make them out. 
Things are still hazy and unclear.
I have been seeking wisdom. An instruction I know I have been given.
I have thrown myself headlong into this and I know that there is no going back.

I referred to this path I am currently walking in this season of my life as a quest.
There is no better word for it.
Quest means: the act of seeking, a journey for adventure, to search for, to ask for.

I'm not sure what kind of quest you are on.
Whether it is to find answers to questions and overcoming obstacles, much like me, or to seek to find what has been lost.
Maybe you are just hoping for more. Out of life.....or more than what you have been given.
I know so many who are seeking for happiness and meaning.
Everyones quests are different, but we all end up in one of two places.
Either understanding that which we sought to attain or even more lost than when we started out.

I have the distinct understanding that if that which we are seeking is self motivated, meaning for selfish gain, eliminating God out of the equation, then the result will always end on the road with no clarity or continued direction.
We are left lost and confused. More frustrated than when we began and not understanding why.
But if we truly are seeking to draw closer to Him, with a true desire to know Him more and ultimately give Him our hearts, then what we are most desiring to know and gain will come.
It may not look like we want it to. It may not have the shape or colors that we first supposed.
But we will know. And the reward will be the overcoming of the very things that have held us back for so long.

This journey is not easy. 
It is heart wrenching and hard.
My feet and hands are already showing the signs of the battle that I have just entered and begun.
They are already beginning to crack and bleed.
But His presence is unmistakable. 
His love undeniable.

Every morning when I wake up and don my armor I am fully aware.
More aware than I have ever been.
And I know that I am not alone.
Although this cause is mine to fight for..... the purpose is shared. By people I am close to, and those who I have never met but are connected in the faith.

The quest to know our Saviour more.
To understand Who our God is without doubt.
To allow full access for the Holy Spirit to do what He wants to do.
To allow for Him to show us and rid us of the things that are in the way of our growing and moving forward in His calling for our lives.
And to unequivocally walk with a confidence that we can not obtain on our own.
A surety of purpose and firmness in our steps.
And an understanding of who we are, because we know to Whom we belong.

I realize that my armor is going to get some scratches and dents.
I've realized that I may get battle weary and tired.
I know that there may be days that I might want to quit. To give up.
But I know that I won't.
Because I've already measured the distance from victory to failure.
And failure is not an option.
And it is a word not associated with my God.
I am His.
So nothing less is associated with me.

As I begin my day, fully equipped I will be praying.....
For all of the others who are entering the battle just like I am and for those who are already engaged.
And I am praying for the victory of us all.
Because when we overcome the enemy with the words of our testimony and the truths of Who God is...... he CAN NOT STAND.

I hope you are ready.
I have sensed a call that has gone out....... for those who believe and are willing and wanting more of God. Of what He is doing. And not being content with doing what has always been done.
He is on the move...... 
I pray that as the days begin to pick up and move toward what He is drawing us toward, that we will be ready.
And I pray that we will not ignore the call.
Our lives and the lives of those we love, and even ones that we have yet to meet depend upon it.

.....until another tomorrow.

Psalm 43:1-13
(I hope you get a chance to read it.) 

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