At The Cottage Background

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

The Beauty of Fear

I have begun what feels very much like a quest.
I have come to some very real conclusions about this journey and path that I am currently walking.

I have built up the sin of fear in my life because of various reasons.
The first and biggest may come as a surprise to you....... it is death.
I am afraid to die.
I am not afraid of where I will go or what my eternity will be.... I am confident about that fact alone.
I know with Whom I walk.... and I know that He is over me... protecting and covering.
But I have questions. And doubts.

Fear and death seem to go hand in hand.
Satan has tried for centuries to distort and disfigure the face of what death looks like.
Today is blatant evidence of that fact.
I have never seen so many horror movies put out or books about vampires, witches, and monsters.
It is even been touted as "romantic" and as "beautiful tragedy".
What is romantic about violence or tragedy?


And yet we as a society have chosen to entertain ourselves with the notion that this is all okay.... beautiful even...... accepted.
And it is false.
God warns us over and over to be careful. To be wise. And to be aware of the traps of our enemy.
What is being sold as beautiful and exciting is hiding something far more dangerous.

I wouldn't let my daughter read the most popular vampire series to hit bookstands a few years back.
It was new, fresh, the author gifted with her worded descriptions.
And I said no.
But not before I read it myself. I didn't get through it. I couldn't. And I'll tell you why......

I never tell my children no without a reason. It is just the way I do things. They are allowed to respectfully question.... but my word stands. And they know that when I say no that there is a deeper reason why. And they have learned to come and trust me. Even if they don't agree.

My daughter brought the book home one day, borrowed from a friend, and asked me to take a look.
She shared her desire to read the series, but knew my policy on non-christian books and fiction.
So I did what I do.... I sat down and began to read. And I prayed.
I fell asleep that night with the book on my lap.
I awoke sometime in the middle of the night, heart pounding and the feeling of a very real presence in the room that I had felt before.

It was fear.

I knew the drill. I began to pray and intercede and ask God not only for His presence but for His discernment and help to identify why I was feeling what I was feeling.
The answer was quick and sure..... it was the book that I was holding in my hands.
I do not hold with new age thought or weird spiritualistic practices... but I do believe in the spirit realm that is outlined very clearly in scripture.

When morning hit I immediately went to my computer and researched the author.
I found out some very interesting things about her.
She is Mormon. And her faith is very important to her. So much so, that she details that she weaves Mormon theology throughout every book she writes. I also learned that contrary to most Mormons I have met, which have been very nice people by the way, her moral compass did not seem to gage with what she professed to so passionately believe in.
This was confirmation in it's truest form for me.
My daughter listened and agreed to not read any more of the books.

Years later.... to today, it has become a cult fad. Even among Christians.
I have been puzzled by this to no end.
And a fact I have recently learned is that the last book was so violent, gory, and explicit that many people that we know were disturbed by it.
But it has been romanticized, and therefore has been made to be okay.
Fear and the lie of tragic death being good is not okay.
And my opinion and thought is not the popular one. Nor accepted. Because it stands against everything that we are being sold as valued goods.... when if fact it is rotting trash.
I know this thought can breed controversy..... this isn't my intention, my heart, or even my goal. 
But I am determined
I don't answer to any man.
I answer to only One. And His opinion is the one that I am most concerned with.

I realize that the facets of my fear has many faces. 
I am facing them all. One by one.
To me, this one is the worst. And the one that seems to have the strongest hold on so many.
We have invited it in. Or it has been let in by others without our consent.
Either way, it is here and is demanding to be dealt with.

To know truth, we have to know the Giver of truth.
To know the lies, we have to identify the liar. And recognize the authority we have given over to him. 

I did not plan to go in this direction. My heart was headed in an entirely different train of thought.
I guess it will hold.... this quest is just beginning..... and I have only just begun.

.... until another tomorrow.


"Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me and know my anxious thoughts; And see if there be any hurtful way in me, And lead me in the everlasting way." Psalm 139:23,24


  1. Mom,
    I am so proud of you. Words can't describe how proud I really am of you. This blog, the writing that you do each morning is like watching you put a piece of your heart out for everyone to see. And that, I know especially for you, has been a day to day struggle. Don't ever give up. Even when you're scared that what you have to say might offend people, don't ever stop writing. The day has come where people need to hear the truth in love.... and your blog is doing just that. Keep up the hard work, Mom. Know that you are loved and that your hard work is VERY appreciated.

  2. How true this is. I remember you and I discussing how so many of us are afaid to offend friends and people around us because we know where they stand on specific issues. And sometimes it's better not to make waves. God is doing a mighty work in you Sweetheart and I am so happy and proud (in a good way)that you are being obediant to God who has given you this gift of expressing your heart. Continue on because there are so many that are being blessed by your words. I know that there are times that I relate to your writings and what you have shared has helped me to go before the Lord asking for forgiveness on certain issues. so continue on, this Mom is Blessed.
    Love you,

  3. I am humbled and moved. Thank you both. This is why you each have prime real-estate in my heart. I love you.