It seems like years.....
Since I began to share a part of my story... some of my history... my past....about my life.
My childhood... which often seems like a far off dream.... at other times like it is just a room away.
Even though it's been a while since I've shared that part of my life, and although I haven't written it, God has been doing continued work on me, and in my heart in the way of where I've come from.
He has been revealing things, shining light on things long since hidden, dark and forgotten.
He has been correcting, re-living, and healing so many things.....
In the midst of it, I feel like I am being remolded and recast into someone I should have been all along.
But as I sit in my car, with my family around me, heading toward my Dad, my thoughts have turned back in time, wistful and away......
With my eyes on the tips of the pines that are zinging by I have brought to mind not just my dad and the visit that I am anxious for, but my mom as well.
Two people that are completely necessary in my life. For both, my past and present.
My childhood isn't all bad memories and faulty lines.
I experienced good things too.
Memories that bring a smile to my face.
And yes, although I can't deny the deep pains in my life, I also can't deny the great joys.
We all come from something.
But I have come to believe that it isn't so much where we have come from that holds the most importance, but where we are going and where we are heading to.
Ultimately, I believe that this can and will dictate what we do and the choices we make for today.
Looking back is okay.
Especially for healing and understanding.
But keeping our eyes constantly looking back and behind us can cause us to miss what new things God has for us in the now... and more importantly for our future.
I don't want to miss it.... And I am currently working hard to turn myself face forward.
Taking care of those things that God has brought forward and not trying to drag back up the things that I need to leave behind me.
There is so much more for us... for me, and even for my family.
I have more at stake than just myself.
I feel strongly that the future of my children depends upon it, and my ability to let go.
I know I will face challenges with it.
I might even fall back time to time.
But I pray ultimately that it can be said of me that I work hard desiring the things of God in my life and the lives of my family.
Amid my past, my present, and all my achievements and failures.... I just want this one thing to hold true...
That I always want more of God.
That nothing in this world..... not want or need, desires or dreams, opinions or accolades, disappointments or regrets.... would be more important to me than Him.
That nothing would outweigh the need and the inexplicable reality that apart from Him.... I am nobody.
Nothing in the universe holds more value than Him.
And pursuing Him with everything that is in me.
That's where I want to go.....
You can come too..... you just have to choose.
Either you will be looking over your shoulder over and over.... or looking ahead.
Ahead to all that He has.... right now.
You get to choose.
Either way..... it will lead you somewhere.
Forward or back.
Or... worse.... keep you right where you are right now with no change in sight....
All it takes... all it has ever taken.... is our surrender.
And yes, it all comes down to that.
Arms wide, face on the floor, willing to be all that He has called you to be.
It's tough......and don't I know it.
But I don't want to be stuck where I'm at, or even where I've been forever.
I want to go forward.
I want to push past.......
I want more.
My prayer is..... that you will too.
Because you will never move forward if you are not willing to step out.
One baby step at a time.....
Pretty soon, before you know it... when you look back for a quick glimpse... you will be surprised at how far you've come......
I'm really praying and banking on the fact that I'm not the only one here.... in this place... ready and willing to see more of what He has ahead of me.
I can't change the past... good or bad.
I can't go back and repair or even relive things I want to do over.
But I can choose what I do with what's ahead of me....
And how I listen and obey.
Live for Him.... or live for me?
I know which One I want to live for.
I hope you do too....
You don't even have to wait.
Because He's been waiting for you.
.....until another tomorrow.
"Yes, furthermore, I count everything as loss compared to the possession of the priceless privilege (the overwhelming preciousness, the surpassing worth, and supreme advantage) of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord and of progressively becoming more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him [of perceiving and recognizing and understanding Him more fully and clearly]. For His sake I have lost everything and consider it all to be mere rubbish (refuse, dregs),
in order that I may win (gain) Christ (the Anointed One),9And that I may [actually] be found and known as in Him, not having any [self-achieved] righteousness that can be called my own, based on my obedience to the Law's demands (ritualistic uprightness and supposed right standing with God thus acquired), but possessing that [genuine righteousness] which comes through faith in Christ (the Anointed One), the [truly] right standing with God, which comes from God by [saving] faith.
10[For my determined purpose is] that I may know Him [that I may progressively become more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him, perceiving and recognizing and understanding the wonders of His Person more strongly and more clearly], and that I may in that same way come to know the power outflowing from His resurrection [[a]which it exerts over believers], and that I may so share His sufferings as to be continually transformed [in spirit into His likeness even] to His death, [in the hope]
11That if possible I may attain to the [[b]spiritual and moral] resurrection [that lifts me] out from among the dead [even while in the body].
12Not that I have now attained [this ideal], or have already been made perfect, but I press on to lay hold of (grasp) and make my own, that for which Christ Jesus (the Messiah) has laid hold of me and made me His own.
13I do not consider, brethren, that I have captured and made it my own [yet]; but one thing I do [it is my one aspiration]: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead,"
Philippians 3:8-13 (Amplified Bible)