At The Cottage Background

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Where We Come From

It seems like years.....
Since I began to share a part of my story... some of my history... my past....about my life.
My childhood... which often seems like a far off dream.... at other times like it is just a room away.
Even though it's been a while since I've shared that part of my life, and although I haven't written it, God has been doing continued work on me, and in my heart in the way of where I've come from.
He has been revealing things, shining light on things long since hidden, dark and forgotten.
He has been correcting, re-living, and healing so many things.....

In the midst of it, I feel like I am being remolded and recast into someone I should have been all along.
But as I sit in my car, with my family around me, heading toward my Dad, my thoughts have turned back in time, wistful and away......

With my eyes on the tips of the pines that are zinging by I have brought to mind not just my dad and the visit that I am anxious for, but my mom as well.
Two people that are completely necessary in my life. For both, my past and present.

My childhood isn't all bad memories and faulty lines.
I experienced good things too.
Memories that bring a smile to my face.
And yes, although I can't deny the deep pains in my life, I also can't deny the great joys.

We all come from something.
But I have come to believe that it isn't so much where we have come from that holds the most importance, but where we are going and where we are heading to.
Ultimately, I believe that this can and will dictate what we do and the choices we make for today.

Looking back is okay.
Especially for healing and understanding.
But keeping our eyes constantly looking back and behind us can cause us to miss what new things God has for us in the now... and more importantly for our future.

I don't want to miss it.... And I am currently working hard to turn myself face forward.
Taking care of those things that God has brought forward and not trying to drag back up the things that I need to leave behind me.

There is so much more for us... for me, and even for my family.
I have more at stake than just myself.
I feel strongly that the future of my children depends upon it, and my ability to let go.

I know I will face challenges with it.
I might even fall back time to time.
But I pray ultimately that it can be said of me that I work hard desiring the things of God in my life and the lives of my family.
Amid my past, my present, and all my achievements and failures.... I just want this one thing to hold true...

That I always want more of God.
That nothing in this world..... not want or need, desires or dreams, opinions or accolades, disappointments or regrets.... would be more important to me than Him.
That nothing would outweigh the need and the inexplicable reality that apart from Him.... I am nobody.
Nothing in the universe holds more value than Him.
Loving Him.
Serving Him.
And pursuing Him with everything that is in me.

That's where I want to go.....

You can come too..... you just have to choose.

Either you will be looking over your shoulder over and over.... or looking ahead.

Ahead to all that He has.... right now.
Right here.

You get to choose.

Either way..... it will lead you somewhere.

Forward or back.
Or... worse.... keep you right where you are right now with no change in sight....

All it takes... all it has ever taken.... is our surrender.

And yes, it all comes down to that.
Arms wide, face on the floor, willing to be all that He has called you to be.
His way.
Not yours.

It's tough......and don't I know it.

But I don't want to be stuck where I'm at, or even where I've been forever.
I want to go forward.
I want to push past.......
I want more.

My prayer is..... that you will too.
Because you will never move forward if you are not willing to step out.
One baby step at a time.....
Pretty soon, before you know it... when you look back for a quick glimpse... you will be surprised at how far you've come......

I'm really praying and banking on the fact that I'm not the only one here.... in this place... ready and willing to see more of what He has ahead of me.

I can't change the past... good or bad.
I can't go back and repair or even relive things I want to do over.
But I can choose what I do with what's ahead of me....
And how I listen and obey.

Live for Him.... or live for me?

I know which One I want to live for.

I hope you do too....
You don't even have to wait.
Because He's been waiting for you.

.....until another tomorrow.


"Yes, furthermore, I count everything as loss compared to the possession of the priceless privilege (the overwhelming preciousness, the surpassing worth, and supreme advantage) of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord and of progressively becoming more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him [of perceiving and recognizing and understanding Him more fully and clearly]. For His sake I have lost everything and consider it all to be mere rubbish (refuse, dregs),
in order that I may win (gain) Christ (the Anointed One),
9And that I may [actually] be found and known as in Him, not having any [self-achieved] righteousness that can be called my own, based on my obedience to the Law's demands (ritualistic uprightness and supposed right standing with God thus acquired), but possessing that [genuine righteousness] which comes through faith in Christ (the Anointed One), the [truly] right standing with God, which comes from God by [saving] faith.
10[For my determined purpose is] that I may know Him [that I may progressively become more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him, perceiving and recognizing and understanding the wonders of His Person more strongly and more clearly], and that I may in that same way come to know the power outflowing from His resurrection [[a]which it exerts over believers], and that I may so share His sufferings as to be continually transformed [in spirit into His likeness even] to His death, [in the hope]
11That if possible I may attain to the [[b]spiritual and moral] resurrection [that lifts me] out from among the dead [even while in the body].
12Not that I have now attained [this ideal], or have already been made perfect, but I press on to lay hold of (grasp) and make my own, that for which Christ Jesus (the Messiah) has laid hold of me and made me His own.
13I do not consider, brethren, that I have captured and made it my own [yet]; but one thing I do [it is my one aspiration]: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead,"

Philippians 3:8-13 (Amplified Bible)


  1. Wow I have loved reading over the last week your beauty in your FB notes and now this. You’re a great writer what a gift. God has poured so much into you. Is it weird to say it’s so nice to meet you?

    I decided to go to our class reunion at the last moment feeling God placeing the heart of your words upon me the “letting go” of the past and looking ahead. I went to the reunion to meet everyone for the first time. Sadly it was just so busy. I would love for you to come to the Beth Moore retreat and get to know you. It's time for change in my life...I like your road :)Its the road im determined to stay on.

  2. Noel... I don't know what to say, or how to properly respond. Humbled. Very very humbled. I sometimes lay in bed and ask Toby, "Why am I doing this? No one probably cares. And the only ones reading it are the people who are closest to me anyway. And is it really making a difference?" You see.... the only reason why I feel called to this computer every time I set down to write is because I feel drawn. And I want to make a difference. That is my one of my biggest motivations. The greatest, is glorifying God in what I write. I guess I also want others to know that they are not alone. That in all my imperfection (there is a lot of it), struggles, and pain is that God is bigger than it all. Bigger than my imperfection. Bigger than my struggle, and even bigger than my biggest hurts. If I have been used in even a small measure I am blown away. But to be completely honest, I want to be used in huge ways. It isn't weird to say "Nice to meet you." I am just now meeting myself. In a lot of ways, for the first time. So... thank you Noelle. More than you know. God seems to know when I my flesh needs that little nudge to keep writing. To keep fighting. And to keep laying out my heart for the whole world to see. God bless you Noelle. I am so beyond happy that you have joined me on this road that I am walking. There is something to be said for knowing that you are not walking alone.

  3. Thanks for that truth. I’m always afraid that I have missed “it” the BIG thing I was to do because of all my unbelief. My husband just tells me it’s not time yet. Then I scream back what… “Am I going to be 100 like Sarah just so I won’t take credit”. He smiles and I think yeah that probably the plan. Man I think if I were Sarah i wouldn’t have laughed in the tent. I would have enraged and rudely question “why bother now… im to old to even enjoy it the way I wanted it or dreamed it to be”. Guess that’s the point. It may take 100yrs for me to get over me...and surrender to Him. Sister… pray for me too!!!!