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Friday, November 13, 2009

Holding Out...

Life has been a bit busy......
Full and packed with plans, to do's, and running from here to there.
For the most part I have been content with this pace for right now.
It's keeps my mind occupied and wears me out so that I fall into bed every night ready for the sleep that I need.

When I am awake my mind is still going a million miles a minute, and I am thinking in story form more than ever.....

Imagining what my oldest child is doing right at that particular moment... imagining what she is experiencing and what exciting things God has yet in store for her.
Praying for my husband who is overworked and overwhelmed. Praising God for the gift of who he is my life.... the other half of me. And praying that I can be even half of the encourager for him that he is to me.
Thinking about ways to connect with my two younger children.... to meet them where they are at this very moment in time... and how to help them through the transitions and change that we are currently walking in.

In the midst of it all.... I have been very aware of my relationship with my heavenly Father.

And how easy it is to forget.....
Not in the way that I forget about Him or don't talk to Him or worship Him while driving in the car.... or shoot up those random prayers whenever they come to mind....
But in the way of intimacy.
Of taking the time to stop everything that I am doing and just being still.
Sitting at His feet and basking in who He is and who He continues to want to be in my life.

I have neglected this a bit while dealing with my deep emotions over my daughter, and with the fast pace of life that keeps on going even when I am ready for it all to just slow down.....
I realized the other night that I am solely responsible.
I am the only one who can make Him a priority..... shut down all the "stuff", and push away the clutter that will inevitably be there whether I acknowledge it or not.
The only one who can take the time, and allow Him to be more important than everything else that is screaming to be put first.

The simplicity of just sitting and soaking in worship and adoration......
In recalling His faithfulness, and remembering all the times that He has always been there to meet with me when I have chosen to come.

There is nothing like it......
Nothing like Him.
And although this may not seem like the deepest blog I've ever written it is what is in my heart right now... at this moment.
Just writing on my acknowledgment that He is worthy of our time..... of invading our space....
and making Him more important than all the other things that we deem more important seems more noteworthy than anything else I could say right now.

I am not the best at doing all that I should.... at making Him all that he should be.
But I do know that down deep where it matters most, I am always wanting more of Him in my life..... and so much less of what seems to try and crowd Him out.

Nothing else satisfies like God.
Nothing else can come close to His infinite and loving touch.

At my last women's retreat we were given a word.....
To not try and "fit" God into our schedules.... but to let Him submerge us into His life.

It has been what has been on my mind for the past few days...... what that means....
The ways that I need to allow Him to do that.... and how to be conscious of the ways that I am not.

There is nothing that I am going through or facing that is more important than Him.


It can be a hard pill to swallow sometimes, because it is easy to allow life to overshadow Him.
It means laying aside my pride.... and what I "think" and giving Him full access to it all.
Acknowledging that He is bigger than any mountain and larger than any ocean.
Why do we so often think that we have to do everything on our own?
That that is what He expects of us to do?

It is in those moments that He wants to come in and show us how much bigger He really is.
How deep His love is for us that He would want to come into those tough situations and stand right in the middle of it all..... with you.
So often I can feel Him reach out to take hold of my hand.... and I can feel myself emotionally pulling away.
Whether it is fear, pride, or rebellion that prompts this response..... doesn't really matter.
It is my loss when I allow myself to respond to Him in this way.

His grip is stronger than any other.
His hold will not let me go when I can not stand.
His arms are able to hold not only me but all that I am holding onto.......

He is that good...
And that is why He is so deserving of what we should be giving Him.
Our time.... our lives..... and most importantly, our hearts.

It is all He really wants..... and we make it the hardest thing to give.

..... until another tomorrow.


"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."
Hebrews 11:1

"But Moses said, "Here I am among six hundred thousand men on foot, and you say, 'I will give them meat to eat for a whole month!'22 Would they have enough if flocks and herds were slaughtered for them? Would they have enough if all the fish in the sea were caught for them?"

23 The LORD answered Moses, "Is the LORD's arm too short? You will now see whether or not what I say will come true for you." Numbers 11:21-23

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