Authentic

I stay in my head too much. Way too much.
I'm constantly thinking and throwing things around. It's gets me into trouble... a lot!
Not the literal kind... but in the way that I doubt and worry. I get agitated and frustrated.
And pretty soon it begins to leak out into other areas in my life. I start to take it out on my husband. Especially when he isn't the help I want him to be. I mean come on... isn't he supposed to want to "fix" stuff?
He didn't come with that attachment... and last night I realized that it's probably better off for me that he didn't.
Side note: .... my husband is a great fixer of "things" don't get me wrong, but he doesn't ever really feel like he has this great need to have all the answers all the time, and usually wants greatly for me to just relax and go with the flow much like he does.
Well.... I'm not like that.
I can't suppose that I ever will be.
But I'm learning... and after I ranted and raved to him about how I was unsure about a particular situation I didn't know how to handle. A situation that was driving me crazy to think about,  I kept asking myself, "Had I come across wrong?", and "Had I been misinterpreted, or just misunderstood?"
He asked me the simple things first... questions like, "Do you feel like you did something wrong?" and "Look if you think you need to change something, then just do it. Don't worry about it."
Can you maybe see how I might have been a little frustrated with this response?
Especially after I pretty much told him that I wanted him to help me fix it.... and he just blank stared at me... and then the next time I glanced over at him.... he was asleep!
Ugh! I can't tell you what went through my head at that particular moment!
Needless to say....
And I had no plans of sharing that particular part of my story at all.... and isn't God funny about that one?
But with my Bible open in my lap, pen and paper in my hands, I could almost hear God chuckle.
Yeah... I said chuckle.
And although I can't know for sure, I like to think that He probably chooses to see those moments of my extreme aggravation and acting like a baby as humorous. To be completely honest.... when I think on it now, it probably was a little. Because He knows what I should be doing... and thankfully He is long on patience with me.
That might account for my husbands blank stare and avoidance. He's learned. He knows better. Run fast... and don't look back. Maybe she'll wear herself out before I need to qualify those statements and make it worse.
 I digress....
So with my Bible open on my lap, I heard Him say, "You didn't ask Me."
If I could describe to you the huge thud that I felt and audibly heard in my heart, I would. But I wouldn't do it justice.
I know.
I should know.
Why do I run to man... even my man, though he's a good one... when I should be first running to my Heavenly Father?
Why do I belabor the so called facts, running them over and over again in my head only causing doubt and confusion feeling like the hamster that lives in my daughters room?
Round and round.... faster and faster.... getting absolutely.... nowhere.
I started getting frantic. Probably the wheels in my head looking a lot like that tiny, albeit cute, little rodent that runs aimlessly on his own wheel every night.
It's frustrating when you are tossing about, wondering, feeling helpless, and ultimately fearful as to what you "could have" done better, what you "should have" said different.
I live here a lot.
A lot a lot.
I mean, I know I shouldn't. But it is definitely the innate humanness in me.
I say I don't care... and I really don't want to sometimes. But then... I just do. And then.... I just fall apart at the seams, feeling like a million shattered pieces.

I am so glad that God is so good at picking up the  broken and despondent parts of me.
I am so thankful that He is readily available for me when I finally turn around to him, with the frustration etched all over my face, tears running down my cheeks, and my empty hands held out at my sides.....

"What do I do?", I ask Him.
"What do You want from me in this one?"
"I'm trying to do what You've asked.... I've been racking my brain if any of it is even right at all!"

These are just some of the things I brought out to Him last night when I finally did what I should have in the first place.
Before I drove my husband to his blessed sleep filled oblivion.
Yeah... I got the short end on the side of the learning curve. Please don't judge me on that one.

But as I sat there looking, and trying to thumb through my well worn pages, I came across this..... and I smiled. And maybe I even cried a little.....


⁸ "My heart has heard you say, “Come and talk with me.”
      And my heart responds, “Lord, I am coming.”
 ⁹ Do not turn your back on me.
      Do not reject your servant in anger.
      You have always been my helper.
   Don’t leave me now; don’t abandon me,
      O God of my salvation!
 ¹⁰ Even if my father and mother abandon me,
      the Lord will hold me close.
 ¹¹ Teach me how to live, O Lord.
      Lead me along the right path,
      for my enemies are waiting for me.
 ¹² Do not let me fall into their hands.
      For they accuse me of things I’ve never done;
      with every breath they threaten me with violence.
 ¹³ Yet I am confident I will see the Lord’s goodness
      while I am here in the land of the living.
 ¹⁴ Wait patiently for the Lord.
      Be brave and courageous.
      Yes, wait patiently for the Lord." Psalm 27:8-14


I fell asleep with my Bible next to me last night. Clutching onto it with my finger tips.
Why am I so dense sometimes?
Why does it take me so long to catch on? Even when I know better and have caught on before?
Even knowing better, I realize that I forget far more often then remembering what I should.
Does this ever get frustrating for you?
I wish that I could just hang on somehow better than I do.
Be better than I am.
But as I sit here, knowing that I am supposed to share this little part of some of my big downfalls, I am so cognisant of who I am and where I am supposed to be.

It's funny really....
That same guy, the one who fell asleep next to me last night in my great moment of need (smile inserted here), I am recalling something he asked me. Something actually that he wrote in my little blue notebook that goes with me everywhere....

"Why do we trade God's best for what we think is good?"
C.S. Lewis would say, "trade Leah for Rachel".

I found it one day while attempting to write something down.
I just stopped when I recognized his chicken scratch writing.
His first message to me above the latter was sweet. He wanted to encourage me to keep writing.
Maybe I'll share about that one at a later time.....
But as for the question that he ended that note on.... it has had me thinking ever since.
He even asked me to write about it if I wanted to.
It seems most fitting to do so today.

I was doing just that....
Trading in the wisdom of man for the wisdom of God.
Leah for Rachel.
Why do we do that?
Man can't fix anything.... not really. At least not in the ways that we are needing it most.
And left on our own we will almost always come up with feeble fill ins and counterfeits for anything that can try and imitate the authenticity of the wisdom of God.
I realize today, like so many days before this, that if I really want the answers that I am seeking and seeming so desperate to know, that I can only go to the One who knows it all anyway. The in and out of any given situation.
And although I can't possibly know the true heart of any other man... He does.
And because He sees it all, I can trust Him with it.
I can trust Him to work it out.
To rally on my behalf.
To correct me in any wrong that I may have done or absolve me from any unnecessary guilt that I may be feeling as a result of it.
If I am willing.
If I really want the right solutions and answers to my situations.
I may or I may not be absolved of any guilt... I may or may not see a way through to a solution and resolution.
Or I may have to wait a while longer to know... to see it worked out.
But I can rest in knowing that HE knows and that He cares. I can take comfort in the knowing that He will work everything out for my good.
As long as I want it. As long as I seek Him out.
I feel as though I am repeating myself a bit... but I think it bears repeating. At least for me, I know I need the reminders... often.
Not trading Leah for Rachel. But allowing Him to be my ultimate source for anything that brings burden to my mind and weighs heavy on my heart.

He is faithful.
I've said it before. I'll say it a thousand times more.
He is faithful.
And I though I screw it up so often, I know that He is so much more worthy to be running to when I am feeling perplexed and overwhelmed.

I, as a child of God,  know that that won't always mean things going my way, the way I want them to go.
Ultimately though, it will be for my best.
Because He always has us in mind. His love for us never failing.
And for me... those thoughts alone cause me to begin to relax my hold from whatever it is I am holding so tightly onto.
The letting go isn't easy. I know that very well... but as I allow Him to gently pry my knuckle tight grip off, I am able to see things a little clearer... feel that tightness in my chest begin to release... and I can start to feel my breaths begin to seep back to a normal pattern of breathing.
What was so off before begins to come back into symmetry....
It all begins to feel better.

I hadn't planned on writing today... I didn't think I would have anything worth sharing with you today...
But I hope I was wrong.
And I am so beyond glad that He isn't wrong ever, about anything.
 Especially when I need Him the most. When I need Him at all. For everything.

I pray that you have a blessed day...
I pray that in any frantic moment that you may face today or in the days to come that you won't make my mistake....
I pray that you will run fast... and run hard... right into the arms of your Father who loves you best. Who loves you more. And who will always answer when you call.

... until another tomorrow.

~m.

"Why would you ever complain, O Jacob,
   or, whine, Israel, saying,
"God has lost track of me.
   He doesn't care what happens to me"?
Don't you know anything? Haven't you been listening?
God doesn't come and go. God lasts.
   He's Creator of all you can see or imagine.
He doesn't get tired out, doesn't pause to catch his breath.
   And he knows everything, inside and out.
He energizes those who get tired,
   gives fresh strength to dropouts.
For even young people tire and drop out,
   young folk in their prime stumble and fall.
But those who wait upon God get fresh strength.
   They spread their wings and soar like eagles,
They run and don't get tired,
   they walk and don't lag behind." Isaiah 40:27-31 The Message Bible

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28

Laying It Down.

We had a missionary come to church yesterday....

She made me think. Again.

What is it like to leave everything you know? Everything familiar? Everything comfortable......?

To serve God at a different level?

To serve Him away from family and friends? 

To go somewhere that you have never been.... to a people you have never met?

I imagine that is isn't easy. I imagine that the very day you decide to do it that there is excitement and anticipation at what is to come....

But then there are the realities that are just that.... reality.

Will you be missing out on other things? Will you have to give up on things that you thought you might have? Marriage, family, a practical job?

Leaving those you love. Going where there may be the unexpected. And taking the chance that you won't be loved or accepted at all.

But then again.... what if you are?

What if you are met with open arms? What if they come to love you the way you are loved back home?

What if you meet the most amazing people? What if it ends up that you won't miss any of the other stuff at all? The inconsequential in light of loving and serving the people God has called you to?

Sharing their tears... their struggles... their joy and their sadness... helping to meet their needs, the really deep ones... getting to be a integral part of their lives if only for a moment in a short span of time for you both.

So many what ifs......

As her words washed over me and as her pictures flashed up on the screen I just kept thinking.

And as my pastor got up to thank her and speak a blessing over her and all the work that she had done, I heard in his voice something so special. It made me stop thinking.... and I began feeling.

He called her a hero.

I really tuned in in that moment... all my senses became on full alert.

And as he prayed over her and her continued work still yet to be done, and as I heard the catch in his voice, my tears began to come with his.

I heard it from others around me.

She really is. A hero.

For what she has done... and what she has yet to do.

And in that moment I realized that for so long I have wanted something so much bigger than myself.

So much more than I can even come to expect.

When we step out for God we are stepping out into something big.

Something profound.

Whether it be in our schools, on our college campuses, in our community service projects, in our local churches.....

In our usual meeting circles, or town squares, in the shopping mall down the street, or while we are out getting groceries......

Whether it be over coffee with a friend, or on a date with our husband or wife, or even more importantly in our own homes....

It is all our mission field. 

And it all matters.

It is all big to Him.

Yes. I want more than this. I want all of it. The "big" stuff and the "little". To God it is all the same. 

It is all important.

Yes. I want to go to those far off lands and distant places that I have only seen in my dreams.

Yes. I want to actually feel the dirt beneath my feet and look into the eyes that I have only imagined.

I want more than anything to realize this longing in the deepest part of my heart.....

I would love nothing more to speak and be spoken to.

But I realize that in me is this innate ability to let go... get lax... even on my dreams.

So often these days I have been tired. Weary really.

So much that needs to get done. So many things that need doing.

Do you ever feel that way?

Like you are always playing catch up?

Like there is a never ending list of "to do's"?

So many things vying for your attention and time.....

I think sometimes that I often long to just get out of here because I know that the distractions are too great. The possibilities to forget too pronounced. Too profound.

I know my propensity to get lazy... to get complacent in my weariness... in my being so tired.

I need accountability. 

I need the discipline that need brings.

I know that when I am accountable to "be" the someone for somebody that I tend to step up to the plate... surrender more often to that need... my own... of needing Him more than I need anything else.

Why do I think that I have to go to get this?

Do I believe that I have a calling? Yes.

Do I know that God has called me to more than the so called "ordinary" life? Yes.

But do I also believe that He has to take me "out" to bring me "in"?

No.

I know that I have been "training" for quite some time.

For whatever "this" may be.

My calling.

My thing that I move a little closer toward every minute of the day.

And yeah... I do realize that even this is training.

The getting weary and wondering what to do with it.

As I pulled down the covers last night before I crawled into bed I heard His whisper....

As I drove home from taking my daughter to school I felt it again like a sweet embrace....

"I am right here."

As I took communion yesterday I felt it more pronounced than usual....

His grace to forgive me when I pick up that senseless book that helps me not to think, instead of picking up His Word...

I know that He is just waiting for me to come around.... 

Does this give me leeway to forget.....? No.

Does it give me excuse to just do whatever I feel like in that moment just to get by? Of course not.

I know... as well as any Christian should that we are called to deep and committed relationship with Him. To Him.

Discipline is a part of our make up. As believers and non alike.

We need it. We crave it.

On our own too long and we almost always make a sweet mess of it all. Most likely not so sweet.

But oh..... I am holding out for that hope... for that grace that I felt Him pouring out over me as I repented yesterday. As I once again laid out my life for His correction.

And as our pastor gave us the opportunity to get our hearts "right" before Him, I took it in deep like a long held breath, the feeling that He forgives me more than I deserve.... more than I think I can realize in that moment.

We don't have to walk around confessing to be horrible people to everyone that we come in contact with. I don't believe that is what God is wanting of us at all. We'll miss His love for ourselves and others if that is all that we do.

I do believe though, that we have to always see  our need of Him in every aspect and area of our lives.

Confessing it to Him is the most important moments that we can take.

Like a missionary on the front lines of the missionary field. Waking each day with a renewed sense of purpose and a longing to serve and love Him and those around us even more than we did the day before.

Striving to be our best... drawing from the best that He gives us.

What He has made readily available to us all.

We are all on the mission field in our lives....

Making the small moments less important makes them less important.

But seeing even those small moments as big ones can raise the magnitude of  the life that we may be holding in our laps....

A sweet face asking for a "princess" story can turn into an opportunity to share one of the most extraordinary stories of all times... of a girl turned queen chosen to save a nation.... a lowly peasant girl chosen to birth a King.....

Do you see it?

Do you feel what I am feeling right at this moment?

Father God..... Oh Father.....

Please forgive me for wasting the moments that I could be doing something so much more important...

Loving You and loving others more than I have. More than the day before.

Forgive me for searching for other ways to appease my hurt... to alleviate my weariness....

And Father... thank You.

Thank You for loving me so much that I can't hold it in.

Thank You for sharing Your heart with me, even when I don't realize it, and even when I often turn away from it.

Thank You for Your grace that surpasses my understanding and covers me in the moments that I need it most.

I love You.

More than I love anything else in this world.

Please.... help me to live like I should. Like I believe it. Like I know it to be true.

To put down the things that don't last... that don't hold as much meaning as You do. As You should.

And Father, thank You for the grace that You extend to me every single minute of every single day for the moments that I do forget... and when I do need to lay down for just a minute.

I love You Abba Father.... my daddy... my heart and my soul.

I pray for those who are needing that measure of grace today. That love Father that is the only kind that can cover every hurt and every need.

May we continue to long and seek after You... long for You... and want only what You can give.

Help me in my own weaknesses Father God.... there are so many to count... and yet Your love covers them all.... with You I am not without Hope.

WITH You I am never ever without hope for more.....

I am never without.....

With You I lack for nothing.... nothing really.

.... until another tomorrow.

~m.

Psalm 51

"Have mercy on me, O God,
       according to your unfailing love;
       according to your great compassion
       blot out my transgressions.

 ² Wash away all my iniquity
       and cleanse me from my sin.
 ³ For I know my transgressions,
       and my sin is always before me.
 ⁴ Against you, you only, have I sinned
       and done what is evil in your sight,
       so that you are proved right when you speak
       and justified when you judge.
 ⁵ Surely I was sinful at birth,
       sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
 ⁶ Surely you desire truth in the inner parts ;
       you teach me wisdom in the inmost place.
 ⁷ Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
       wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
 ⁸ Let me hear joy and gladness;
       let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
 ⁹ Hide your face from my sins
       and blot out all my iniquity.
 ¹⁰ Create in me a pure heart, O God,
       and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
 ¹¹ Do not cast me from your presence
       or take your Holy Spirit from me.
 ¹² Restore to me the joy of your salvation
       and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
 ¹³ Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
       and sinners will turn back to you.
 ¹⁴ Save me from bloodguilt, O God,
       the God who saves me,
       and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.
 ¹⁵ O Lord, open my lips,
       and my mouth will declare your praise.
 ¹⁶ You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
       you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
 ¹⁷ The sacrifices of God are  a broken spirit;
       a broken and contrite heart,
       O God, you will not despise.
 ¹⁸ In your good pleasure make Zion prosper;
       build up the walls of Jerusalem.
 ¹⁹ Then there will be righteous sacrifices,
       whole burnt offerings to delight you;
       then bulls will be offered on your altar."

Enough

I am up early this morning.
After helping my brother in law get my niece off to school I just couldn't go back to sleep.
So many things running through my mind.
So many many things....

I have been contemplating so many things of late that my head feels full. It always feels full.
Full of "things"... full of life... full of "stuff"... and full of some of the things that I don't so much want taking up space in my already overcrowded thought processes.
I have been trying not to over think too much. But I usually always fail at this.
I have been over thinking my last post.
Was I too self reflective... too self imposing... too self centered... was it just too too much?
Over and over.
I never want it to seem like I am so full.... full of myself that I alienate those very people that I long to touch.
And then there is the other "stuff" that consumes my thinking.
The more or less important things in life.
I am sitting here, in a place I love, with people I love, getting the chance to serve them, and hopefully love on them they way that I do it.... I know that sometimes my over thinking can get in the way of that.

I am constantly in quiet contemplation about the very things that God is asking me to do.
Am I where I should be?
Am I doing enough?
I know that introspection in its minimal form is good... I am just trying not to dive in too deep before I miss the very things that God is trying to teach me at this moment.

I love watching and observing others, but often times it can be quite painful and excruciating.
It brings out the deep parts of me that want to fix everything... mend... and make things better.
I am realizing that sometimes just being in a certain situation... and allowing God to put you where He needs you to be and just being.... is sometimes enough.
It is enough so that He can be the one doing the things that are very much needing to be done.
It is enough to merely love and allow Him to work it out through that love.
And although I don't fully understand it..... not all of it anyway... it is always enough to allow Him the ability that He has that far outweighs our own in anything that we can do or even think of doing.

He is enough.
I forget that sometimes.
I think I so often try to add.
And then I am reminded of my inefficiencies.
So many that I couldn't keep track if I wanted to.
But today....
Today I am aware that He is enough.
He is more than enough for what I need... and for the needs that I see.
He is enough to heal.
He is enough to come through.
He is enough for those tough situations that I can't reconcile on my own.
He is...... enough.


And the comfort that this brings me... the comfort that it should whether I fully get it or not should be the balm that I let sooth my troubling thought processes. Even those that aren't so troubling.
He should be the everything that I long to bring into every situation and circumstance in my life.


It is so much more than I can give.
So much more than I can do.
And so much more than I can fix.


No matter what, and no matter who.
He can... and He will.
I know it.
And even though I stand on it often times with my knees wobbling a bit... the foundation on which I am standing on never wavers... never fails... because it is always firm.


I hope that wherever you are today, that you will be reminded of Who He is.
That He is more than able... and that He can.
The question I think for us is this....
Are we willing to let Him. To do it His way and not interfere and plan things out on our own?
Are we able to let Him do what only He is able to do?
I hope that you can.
I am in the boat right next to yours praying for myself and all those that I hold dear.

Let us not forget the One who loves us in all our incapability's and faulty fragmented lines....
Let us serve and love Him today out of pure hearts that only seek to know and love Him more.

And just maybe... we might see... even today... what He is more than able to do.
And what you didn't think could ever be done.

... until another tomorrow.

~m.

"And as if this were not enough in your sight, O Sovereign LORD, you have also spoken about the future of the house of your servant. Is this your usual way of dealing with man, O Sovereign LORD ?"
2 Samuel 7:19

"Are God's consolations not enough for you,
  words spoken gently to you?" Job 15:11



 

Different

It's been said that I am a little different.
It's funny to me really, because I have felt this way for most of my life.
I used to think that different was bad.
And I just want to clarify that in referring to "different" I do not mean anything that pertains to being contrary to the Word of God.


Different by definition means: Not alike in character or quality; differing; dissimilar; not identical; separate or distinct; various; several: not ordinary; unusual.


I am not sure how you would define yourself. Or your family.
I have held very differing definitions throughout my life.


Quiet.
Shy.
Emotional.
Poor.
Lost.
Little.
Broken.
Sick.
Tired.
Happy.
Sad.
Fiery.
Sassy.
Sarcastic.
Bold.
Tenacious.
Raw.
Real.
Awkward.


They don't all make sense to me.
They contradict one another and at times one has outshone the others.
I don't really like labels.
I don't like categories or boxes that we can put ourselves and others in.
But it is life, and it is natural to define.
We all by definition need to be defined.
It says who we are.
What we were.
And what we hope to be.
It is because we are human.
We need to be substantiated.
We need concrete things to hold and grasp tightly to.
Having  a word to define us seems to make us feel like we are something.
Like it puts worth to our names, purpose into who we think we are.
Defining doesn't have to be bad. But it can be.
It can be damaging. Hurtful. And often times wrong.
We can label based on what we see and not on what we know.
It can wound one who is holding so tightly to their hearts that they are misconstrued and misunderstood.
I have been that person. For most and for so much of my life.


I have heard all kinds of things.....
I'm sure you've heard it too. All the "stuff" that people say. The way that they think you are.
We can make a lot of judgements, and I think to some degree we are justified in thinking them.... 
To be honest, I have never put much stock in what people think of me.
But at the same token, it has at times made me think a little harder about the person that people think me to be.
Those who know me, I'm pretty sure, wouldn't call me "shy".
I am introverted by nature though.
I love people. So much. But they drain me.
I have to retreat, and refuel.
I have to pick and choose my "social" times.
I don't like parties and situations where I have to talk or interact and make senseless conversations.
But I do love the one on one time.
I love deep conversations and thought provoking moments.
I love challenging the one that is sitting in front of me, and I love even more being challenged myself.
I love the meaningful and the profound.
I dislike frivolous "fluff". 
I don't like social games... and I won't play them.
In a word.... I am different.
And I like it that way.
Most of the time.
There has been a few times in my life when I didn't like it.
When I felt alone.
Abandoned.
And forgotten.


I think that what makes me most different than anything else though....is my love for God.
It has been what has driven me for most of my life.
From a very young age, from my beat up and broken life, I stretched out my tiny hands and grasped onto the One that I really didn't know but knew was there.
As I held on tight I began to see things more clearly. 
I began to be different.
At five I asked to be baptized. At seven I prayed for the gift of the Holy Spirit.
I didn't get all of it and what it really meant... but I knew that it was real, that it was right, and I wanted it for myself. 
I realize that my want came from my need.
I know now that what that deeply hurting little girl wanted was to be loved.
I wanted to belong to someone who would never leave me. Who would never let me down.... and who would never reject me or wound and hurt me the way I had been wounded and hurt.


I have never regretted those decisions.
Not now. And not ever.
I have felt confused, yes.
I have misunderstood Him from time to time, in fact a lot of the times.
I have wondered at why He allows the things that He does, and why He would want me to hurt at all.
I have asked  Him lots of questions... and even though He hasn't always answered them all, He has answered some.
I have curled up in a ball, shaking with the tears and with the burdens of a thousand bad choices.....
But I have never doubted that He is with me and loves me.

Or that He would leave me that way.
A long time ago... before I could even make sense of anything else, He planted and ingrained in me something huge, something profound....
He Is.
HE IS.


I can no more deny Him than deny my own living breath.
I can no more say that He "isn't" than I can the very things that I can touch and feel with the tips of my own fingers.
I can't... because I know that if I did, it would be a lie.
And the the one thing that I won't be.... is a liar.
He's made me too honest for that. Sometimes... too too honest.


Which brings me back.....
To the realization of what really makes me "different".... 


I am  His.
I want to try my best every day to be defined by Him and Who He is, and who He should be in my life.
I don't just want to profess to be a child of God, but to strive hard while trying to live my life working it out so that I really am worthy of the title.
I don't hope that my children will understand what is expected of them... I try to live it out myself so that they know that it is an attainable thing.


I want to live for the One who is undefinable. 
The One who makes us different in the most beautiful and amazing ways.


I am different.
Very different.
I am not perfect. At all.
I have my quirks and perks.... my differences and idiosyncrasies like everyone else.
But my hope is that I try hard to be honest and true.
Holding fast to the One who promises me more than this world could ever give.


And for that reason... 
For Him...
I am willing to be a little misunderstood.
A little strange at times.
A little devout and a lot passionate about my love and devotion to Him.
I am willing to make the mistakes and admit when I have messed up.
I want His correction more than wanting to be right in any given situation.
It might take a while... but I know that I will eventually get to where I need to be.
I am hoping and praying that I will get to live for the un-ordinary because I have been wrecked for anything less than that.


I am different.
I am His.


Are you willing to be misunderstood, broken, a little strange, completely sold out for Him? Corrected, repentant, and heading in the direction that you should be going, the path He has laid out just for you, the amazing purpose that you have been created for....?
Are you willing....?
And most importantly... Are you His?


... until another tomorrow.


~m.


¹ "I will extol the LORD at all times;
       his praise will always be on my lips.
 ² My soul will boast in the LORD;
       let the afflicted hear and rejoice.
 ³ Glorify the LORD with me;
       let us exalt his name together.
 ⁴ I sought the LORD, and he answered me;
       he delivered me from all my fears.
 ⁵ Those who look to him are radiant;
       their faces are never covered with shame.
 ⁶ This poor man called, and the LORD heard him;
       he saved him out of all his troubles.
 ⁷ The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him,
       and he delivers them.
 ⁸ Taste and see that the LORD is good;
       blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.
 ⁹ Fear the LORD, you his saints,
       for those who fear him lack nothing.
 ¹⁰ The lions may grow weak and hungry,
       but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing.
 ¹¹ Come, my children, listen to me;
       I will teach you the fear of the LORD.
 ¹² Whoever of you loves life
       and desires to see many good days,
 ¹³ keep your tongue from evil
       and your lips from speaking lies.
 ¹⁴ Turn from evil and do good;
       seek peace and pursue it.
 ¹⁵ The eyes of the LORD are on the righteous
       and his ears are attentive to their cry;
 ¹⁶ the face of the LORD is against those who do evil,
       to cut off the memory of them from the earth.
 ¹⁷ The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them;
       he delivers them from all their troubles.
 ¹⁸ The LORD is close to the brokenhearted
       and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
 ¹⁹ A righteous man may have many troubles,
       but the LORD delivers him from them all;
 ²⁰ he protects all his bones,
       not one of them will be broken.
 ²¹ Evil will slay the wicked;
       the foes of the righteous will be condemned.
 ²² The LORD redeems his servants;
       no one will be condemned who takes refuge in him." Psalm 34 NIV