Desperation

Do I believe Him?

DO I BELIEVE HIM?

This question has been going round and round in my head.

You can call yourself a Christian and not trust God.
You can call yourself a believer in Christ and not know a thing about Him.
You can claim to believe and even "know" a whole lot of things.... and not really believe anything... or know it for that matter.
You can tell yourself that you have it all together and all figured out.... and you are probably giving in to the largest lie you have ever bought into.

You can say... and not do. Anything.

And so are you really believing what it is you say you believe in?
Do you believe there is a God just so that you can sleep at night?
With a faith so thin that it will crack at the first sign of any pressure applied to it?
Do you say you don't believe in Him because you don't have the guts to trust anything outside of yourself?
Do you trust yourself and your sense of control more because the thought of trusting anyone or anything else scares you to the core of your being?

I have believed so many of these things.

I shared a while back that God has been asking me if I trust Him?
I do.
But do I trust Him enough?
Enough to step out of my mutilated comfort zone and take the gigantic leap of faith to proclaim Who He Is?

WHO IS HE?

He is Alpha and Omega.
The beginning and the end.
He is All Mighty.
He is sovereign.
He is peace personified.
He is grace.
He is mercy.
He is MORE than our minds can comprehend.
He is glorious.
He is awesome.
He is powerful.
He is amazing.
He is abounding in love, overflowing with mercy.
He is boundless.
He is beyond comprehension.
He is worthy.

HE IS WORTHY.

Of our praise.
Of our reverence.
Of our sacrifices.
Of our delinquencies.
Of our shortcomings.
Of our trust.
Of our devotion.
Of our very being.
Of our love and adoration.

OF EVERYTHING.

HE IS WORTHY.

And that means that He is worthy of my belief.

To believe Him when He says, "I am going to heal you."
When He says, "I love you.".

Getting to desperate to believe it isn't His choice for us.
It is ours.
He isn't any different today than He was yesterday... or the day before that.
He hasn't all of a sudden appeared out of no where with, "Ta dah! Here I am!"

He has been here all along.

ALL ALONG.

It is we that have gone astray.
It is we that have let the "outside" in.
It is we that have allowed ourselves to become burdened with our circumstances.

It is real.
It is painful.
I am not talking out of a place of complete unreality.

I have been living in that "reality" for a very long time.

It is not where our Savior lives.

He lives in the place of peace.
In the place of joy in the midst of hardship.
He lives where healing is a way of life, and not an impossibility.
I am longing to live in that place.

I have been in 24 hour worship and prayer since last Wednesday when I was rocked physically and brought to my knees.
Literally.

Finding myself alone in my house I just let go.
Face down and arms stretched before me I cried out.
I shouted.
I begged and pleaded.

"I want more of  You!"

"I WANT MORE OF YOU!"
And I want to be healed.
Of it all.

All of it.

My desperation  was palpable.
As I lay there I thought, " What if someone comes home and sees and finds me like this?"
In light of where I was at, I didn't care.
I still don't.

I am desperate for Him.
For His presence.
For His touch.
When I inch away even the tiniest bit I feel it immediately.

I don't want to move.
I don't want to lose this.
I can't explain the feeling.
The emotion.
The depth.

I truly believe that what I am experiencing is not a passing fancy.
I believe that THIS is what God has wanted all along.

THIS IS IT.

Relationship with Him.
Being passionately in love with Him that NOTHING else matters but what He wants to do.
What He wants to show us.
And with what He wants to do with us.

NOTHING.

Not TV.
Not entertainment.
Not any pursuit that would convolute or pollute what we are hearing.
What He is trying to say.

It isn't that any of that is bad. Well, it can be. But I think you get my gist.
But right now in this season. In this time that we are living in.... there is no time to waste.
In our homes. In our cars. In our work places. In all of it.
In our every day moments.
He wants to "be" right in the middle of it all.

I will not dare you to try it.
I will not attempt to convince you.
You have that choice on your own.

But I will say this....
There is nothing like it.
There is nothing like this feeling that I am feeling.

There is nothing like God.

Nothing.

I will raise my voice above the tallest mountain.
I will yell it from the highest hill.

GOD IS GOOD.
MY GOD IS MIGHTY.
TO SAVE.
TO HEAL.
TO ACCOMPLISH ALL THAT WE FIND IMPOSSIBLE.
AND HE IS WORTHY......

OF ALL OUR PRAISE.

He is worthy of my beleif.  Of my life. Of my everything.
And I will proclaim it forever.


....until another tomorrow.

~m.

"1Give thanks to the LORD, for He is good;

For His lovingkindness is everlasting.
2Oh let Israel say,
"His lovingkindness is everlasting."
3Oh let the house of Aaron say,
"His lovingkindness is everlasting."
4Oh let those who fear the LORD say,
"His lovingkindness is everlasting."
5From my distress I called upon the LORD;
The LORD answered me and set me in a large place.
6The LORD is for me; I will not fear;
What can man do to me?
7The LORD is for me among those who help me;
Therefore I will look with satisfaction on those who hate me.
8It is better to take refuge in the LORD
Than to trust in man.
9It is better to take refuge in the LORD
Than to trust in princes. " Psalm 118:1-9

If you feel drawn I want to encourage you to read the whole of  Psalm 118.
God put it on my heart today. And I believe that it is not just for me.

God bless you as you seek after and become desperat for more of Him.