I started reading from the book of Genesis a few days ago. I wanted to start at the beginning.
I have been amazed and awed at the new revelations that God has been dropping into my heart. My life is a busy one and no matter how hard I try it doesn't seem to get less so. I usually don't get to my quiet time until everyone in my house is asleep. That really is the only quiet time I have. And so I grab my Bible, my journal, and any current commentary and settle in to read. I usually fall asleep in the midst of it all. I try really hard not to... but it happens. Despite my feeble efforts God has been blessing the small measure of time that I have been making. He has opened up more time in the mornings when the children are taken to school and the house is beginning to settle after the craziness that is our every morning.
Today was such a day. My awe inspired reading seemed a distant memory as I rushed around getting lunches made, breakfast in the blender (smoothies of-course), and tried to find this or that for one child or the other. My husband, who is usually a great help to me was otherwise engaged. At one point I wanted to throw my hands up and yell. And I don't yell. Ever. So you can maybe imagine where this was heading. I kept looking at my husband who was engrossed at his computer loaded down with his own weight of work and kept thinking, "Can't you see I'm drowning here? Help!" He didn't even seem to notice. I was on my own. And so I did it. I rushed and I fussed and kept my mouth shut. Tight. Because I knew that if I opened it not nice things might come running out and make a hurried morning into a muddied one.
As my son and I made the ride into school and I was trying not to break every speed law, I exhaled. I let my shoulders relax, sat deep in my seat, and took a long calming breath. In and out. And then I began to pray. Out loud. I always warn my kids before I start and as I have been doing this for so long they don't even blink. I prayed for our day, our safety, our provision, and our teachers, but what I felt most led to pray for was our hearts. I prayed the whole way to his school and ended with the amen as we entered the parking lot.
As I headed back to my car I picked my prayer right back up. I started the engine and headed back home. One of my favorite songs began to play. It might seem ironic to some that a lot of times that my I-Pod will play exactly the right song at just the right time. But I don't.
As the words began to saturate my spirit I began to thaw. It didn't matter that I left frozen fruit melting on the counter and yogurt dripping off of spoons. It didn't matter that my bed was unmade and my clothes strewn around my room. None of it mattered.
..... My Savior loves, my Savior lives, my Savior's always there for me. My God He was, My God He is, My God He's always gonna be......
The words washed over me. And as I drove I belted it out right along with Aaron Shust.
In the beginning.... of it all.... was my God.
And He is still here.
Even when I have messy mornings and crazy upside down days. He's there. Ready to save me. Ready to love on me and calm my heart and my spirit.
As I cleaned up my morning mess after getting home I realized that it wasn't as bad as I imagined as I was driving away from it all.
I had come home with a new perspective. Focused not on me and what I didn't do right this morning but on the One who has been there from the beginning.
I wonder if Jesus had those kind of mornings? Trying to get the disciples motivated? Having to endure their grumbling and complaining and constant doubting. Just trying to get where He needed to go and meet with those who needed Him most. I wonder...... and I have a deep feeling that He understands it all. I love this about Him. He sympathizes with my emotion, with my struggle, with the humanity of it all. And He's been here since the beginning. Before I was born.
There is a deep comfort in that. He knows it all. And sees it all. And knows what hasn't even been yet.
So I am going forward with my day..... with the knowing that I am not going alone. I am walking with the One who has been there all along.
And He loves me.
Even when I'm messy and making life a crazy one.
He Is as He has always been.
God bless your day. As you come and as you go. I hope you remember Who is going about it with you.
.....until another tomorrow.
"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God"....
"All things came into being through Him, and apart from Him nothing came into being that has come into being." John 1:1,3
"For by Him all things were created, both in the heavens and on the earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities -- all things have been created through Him and for Him. He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together." Colossians 1:16,17